My Head Nod from the Universe!

Today, I received my head nod from the Universe.   I received a birthday gift from my children.  And as soon as I opened this gift, I knew God was nodding at me and telling me I was going in exactly the right direction.

I have to admit in the midst of the upheaval of what is going on with the coronavirus and having had one of the most challenging weeks of my life in healthcare, this is exactly what the doctor (I mean God) ordered!  

For the past few years, I have been very focused on growing and developing myself to my highest potential.  I have read more books in the past two years then I would ever dream I would read in a lifetime.  I was looking at how I can do things better, be better, and to serve others better.  This all started with a rude awakening which allowed me to see I had been just coasting by most of my life, not really living.  I hungered for spiritual knowledge and wisdom.  I was putting into practice everything I had been taught as best I could.  Sometimes this new way of living made perfect sense.  Other times it felt like I was needing to be committed to a looney-bin!  Sometimes my study and learning came effortlessly and enthusiastically, and yet other times it was a grind. I wondered if I was even really changing.   All of these feelings existed within myself as I strived for a life where I am thriving, loving fully, and experiencing life full out.  

I certainly can see the change in the mirror, I feel the change inside myself…but there is that doubt.  And there were some mishaps along the way.  At times, I really wondered if this was all worth it or if I had been chasing something that didn’t exist.  I followed other spiritual leaders and I studied under some of the most renown personal development coaches in the world.  I had breakthroughs, but was it all for the right reason?  Was I moving in the right direction? 

To be honest, I knew there were times when I was doing it for the right reasons and was moving in the right directions, but it was not a perfect line of upward growth.  It was grueling and heartwrenching to look at some of my behavior and patterns to see that they desperately needed to change.  I knew the only one standing in my way of becoming who I am supposed to be and who I wanted is me.  My thoughts, my feelings, my actions all together would propel me forward or hold me back.  And sometimes, I had to learn the hard way. There was a part of me that thought that once I saw that I was 100% responsible for all the results in my life, I would change them easily and move into the the life I have always imagined without anymore heartache or mistakes.  I am quickly learning, life does not quite work that way.  

As I studied with other teachers and tried on their way of learning and growing, I began to see what would work for me and what would not.  I chose not only to study with these leaders, but to also teach their material.  My desire has always been to teach what has worked for me and to help others grow along spiritual lines into a more magical life. As I continued my Journey to grow on my own and to teach others, I began to ask more questions. Am I going where God wants me to go?  Is what I want what God wants for me? Am I the director of my life or is God?  Is it all about the results?  Am I meant to teach?  

This line of questioning led to some very deep reflection and some very honest conversations with more spiritual leaders, entrepreneurs,  and people who had similar experiences.  What I came to realize is there is no one way that is the right way. This thing called life and the Journey to growth to show up as your most authentic and empowered self is indeed a Personal Journey.  We always have a choice in each and every moment.  And each choice will lead to the next, which will lead to the next, and so on. There is also not a right and wrong choice! There will be choices, however, that will ask you to step into a more authentic version of yourself or to stay in your comfort zone.  

Most recently, I took a step back from the company I had been studying with for a few months.  I needed some clarity on how I wanted to show up in the world and teach this material.  I have to say, after a few months of working and talking with a few mentors, I was ready to throw in the towel.  Imposter syndrome had set in and I started believing that old record that had been playing in my head most of my life.  “You are good right where you are.  No one is going to want to work with you anyway.”  All this after I had a few clients and coached them through some tough stuff into a  better place.  But I didn’t feel my coaching was good enough. I didn’t feel good enough.

Yet, I didn’t give up.  I kept digging deep inside, asking God for guidance and direction. I had also turned more to my “woo-woo” spiritual tools which made me feel so sublime instead of using the more mental tools I had been using.  I was beginning to follow my intuition again instead of listening to everyone else around me.  I was tuning in, but wasn’t quite sure where to go from here. And, I was not feeling ready to go in the direction I was being led.

But over and over again from one mentor after another, I kept hearing,  “You have a unique story and unique gift.  You should really capitalize on your talents and do your own style of coaching.”     I was being led to do coaching Barbara-style.   Yet, the doubt, the fear, and sometimes the absolute terror was keeping me in a holding patter.  I felt unable to move forward.  How would I do this?  Who would benefit from it?  Who am I truly meant to serve?

All these questions, all this confusion was quieted by opening one gift.  This was my birthday gift from my children, namely my eldest.  I opened it and there inside was a box full of Barbara-style stuff given to me from my precious children, my most valuable gifts on Earth.  It included a large bottle of Lavender lotion, a gratitude journal, and Gabrielle Bernstein’s Super Attractor card deck.  I literally cried as took the contents out.  And as I looked at them, something inside me felt assured. Maybe the world does need me to be uniquely me.  Maybe my message is the one I am supposed to tell and teach.  Maybe I am enough and the world truly would benefit from what I have to offer.  I knew this all to be true.  And although the thought may scare me and I may not know how, I know I must try to offer what I have to give.  

God was nodding at me.  And with this nod, I knew what was true.  I have to follow my heart.  I have to follow my happy!  I have to teach the tools which have worked for me to begin to create the life I want, the live I love…the life I am meant to live. 

We are all such unique expressions of God and there is definitely not ONE way to coach, lead, or help others.  It has been evident to me that I truly want to step into coaching with a different vantage point. A vantage point that is unique to me and my experiences. So, here I am!  All ready to help you find your your seat in your life as an authentic, empowered YOU! 

I am curious, have you ever stepped out to try something new and been afraid?  Or received a nod from God like this?  I would love to hear from you!